Death is My Sanctuary
by Mriya
Summary: Alex has finally had enough, and his attitude and actions say it all. This is a very dark story. R
1. Chapter 1

Dislcaimer: I only own the depressing plot of the story.

To start this story off, I'd like to say something to all of you who may be familiar with my other stories, including 'Of Life and Death'. This is my first story like this, so don't kill me if this is a little off. I'm used to writing upbeat, happy stories that include hyperactive freaks such as myself.

This is going to be a fairly fast paced story. It might be done today even. But don't freak out: it's a multi-chapter story. If none of you like suicide based stories, then go away. I love anyone who even opened this story, but if it's not for you, just turn back now. I can probably guarantee that I'll probably end up crying while writing this story. Also, at the end of each chapter, I'll put down the playlist that I listened to while writing this story. There will also be a link on my profile page to my playlists, where you will be able to listen to them as well. Many of them will be in other languages. Actually, probably all of them.

* * *

Alex stared at Blunt. He'd always hated the man, but this was just insane.

"Alex, you can't expect us to tolerate this behavior," Mr. Blunt chided the boy sitting across from him. Alex simply glared in return.

"And what behavior would that be?"

Blunt stared at Alex. His eyes dark and haunted. If he'd been any other man, he would have been concerned. But this was Mr. Blunt, known for his coldness and his uncaring personality. He almost never showed emotion, but when he did, it was usually anger.

"You..." he paused to think of words to describe the boy's recent actions and attitude. "You've been ignoring anyone who has anything to do with MI6 - including Agent Daniels, setting up traps for other agents who've done nothing to you, and overall, you've been completely disrespectful to everyone."

Alex raised an eyebrow in response to the accusations. Well, they weren't really accusations - he'd actually done those things. But the man should be happy that Alex wasn't carrying through with his more violent ideas.

"To put it into simple terms, shape up or there will be serious consequences," Blunt finished, well, bluntly.

Alex simply sat there for a few minutes before standing up and turning away from the grey man. "Who the hell do you think you are, chiding me like this?"

"We are your guardians, Alex."

Alex rounded on the man. "My _guardians?_ What have you people done to earn the right to call yourself that? Guardians care about people! You're just a coldhearted bastard who confiscates and risks other people's lives for your own benefit! Jack is my guardian! She's the only one I know of who really gives a damn! Well alive anyway; everyone else is dead thanks to you!"

With that said, Alex ran out of the office and out of the building, leaving Mr. Blunt to sigh and return to his work as if Alex had never been there.

~.~

Alex continued running until he reached the park - which wasn't far from his house. He stopped to catch his breath. Normally, he'd end up regretting what he'd said during his little outbursts. But not today. Not this time. They'd screwed with his life way too much for him to regret anything he'd said to them. Mrs. Jones wasn't even there to try to calm Alex down, not that it would have done any good. Panting, Alex straightened him self up and was immediately greeted by five unwelcoming gazes. Alex recognized them immediately. They were the leaders of the 'tough group' at this school.

"Well look who it is, boys," said Jason Cottney. He was the toughest of the group, so naturally, they worshipped him like a god.

Alex pointedly ignored them and continued on his way home. He didn't need their crap. Not today. He walked right passed them, which did not make them very happy. One guy, Sean Mishell made the mistake of grabbing Alex by the arm, holding the blond still. Alex turned his head and glared at Sean, making his blood run cold. Before Sean could even blink, Alex swiftly twisted his arm around and held it behind his back. The shock from the pain caused his knees to buckle, making him fall. When Sean struggled, Alex pulled his arm further behind his back, inducing more pain. When he decided that Sean and his gang got the point, Alex let go and continued on his way, ignoring the nervous glances the group sent him.

Then, Jason stepped up to confront Alex. It was a very big mistake, but he was just too stupid to realize it. "Who the hell do you think you are?" he yelled at Alex.

Alex stopped and turned to stare at Jason. Jason, being of very little brain, didn't back down. "I think I'm someone who's had enough of all this bullshit," Alex answered. Jason didn't notice the glare Alex was giving him.

"That was a lucky move, jackass. It won't happen again," Jason started. "We're in charge of every person that goes to Brookland. Everyone else is afraid of us and obeys us. _They respect us. _I think it's about time you started doing the same."

Alex chuckled darkly. "Do you really think you are respected by everyone? They're just afraid that they are going to be your latest victim if they stand up for themselves."

"Why you...!" Jason growled lunging at him, carrying out the strongest attack he knew of.

Alex was ready for it. He grabbed Seans wrist and sharply twisted it around, breaking almost every bone in the wrist. Jason screamed out it pain, but Alex didn't let go. "Listen to me now: I will never fear you, respect you, or obey you. Just shut up and give up."

The hidden threat wasn't what scared the group, but the tone he used to talk to them. He spoke slowly and calmly. Not like a teenager, but a severely pissed off soldier. One who'd seen more than any person could ever imagine, even in their nightmares.

Alex let go of Jasons wrist and resumed walking down the brick path that would eventually take him to his home, where he would say "Hi" to Jack and hole up in his bedroom until dinner. Jason cradled his broken wrist in his good hand and cursed Alex for all that he was worth. Alex tuned him out and didn't hear a word.

With it being a family park, the people in the same area stared at Alex's violent actions and started slowly backing away. They saw the deep hatred and pain in his eyes and decided that he wasn't someone they wanted to mess with. When he payed them no attention, they slightly relaxed and let him go. But what Alex didn't know was that Mr. Bray, the headmaster of his school witnessed the whole thing.

Mr. Bray didn't blame Alex for any of it, but was slightly unnerved that such composed young man would let his temper slip so much. But with all that Alex had gone through, it wasn't too much of a surprise. But he decided right then that he would call his guardian and talk about what should be done. Believing that time was of the essence, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed the boy's number. Jack Starbright answered immediately.

"Hello?" Jack said.

"Hello. This is Mr. Bray, the headmaster of Brookland. I think we need to have a talk about Alex.

~.~

When Alex got home, it was already dark. He walked into the house and glanced around, checking for anything out of the ordinary. After he finished the silent task, he cursed himself. He'd become severely paranoid and it was all MI6's fault. Thanks to them, he'd never be normal again. And despite Tom's desperately hyper efforts, he'd never make another friend at school, or regain his lost status.

"I'm home!" he called out for Jack's benefit. The red headed woman walked out of the kitchen with a grim expression on her face. Alex tensed and the first thing that came to mind was the matter of her finally leaving him to go home.

"I got a call from Mr. Bray a little while ago," she said softly, but he could hear the tension in her voice.

Alex sighed and asked, "What did I do now?"

"What happened in the park?" she asked, answering his question with another one.

"Some guys from school attacked me," he answered.

She wasn't going to take that answer. "Well, why didn't you just walk away?"

"I did."

"I mean before you broke his wrist and hurt him, Alex! You've always been so careful before, Alex, so why now?" she was near tears at this point.

Alex looked away. "It's kind of hard to when there's a fist flying towards my face." Then seeing the look on her face again he added, "I'm sorry, Jack."

"What's wrong with you lately?" she asked, her expression softening a little.

"I'm just not sure how much more of MI6's crap I can take," he answered truthfully.

"Mr. Bray wants to see you in his office tomorrow morning, before school starts. He wants to talk to you himself."

Alex nodded and started up to his room, leaving Jack to think in silence.

The rest of the night went by slowly, a painful silence falling across the house like a dark blanket. The next morning was similar, but Alex spared a few genuine smiles for his _real _guardian's concern-filled comments. Alex left for school knowing that day would be much worse than the previous.

* * *

A/N: The chapters of this story won't be really long. But the story will be done within the next few days, or at least by the time winter break is over. Here is the list of the songs. On the songs I listen to, I go more by the music most of the time:

See Who I Am - Within Temptation  
Let Me Be Myself - 3 Doors Down  
Wasteland - 10 Years  
The Day That Never Comes - Metallica

And I guess that covers it for this chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

Dislcaimer: Do you really think it's going to change from the last chapter?

Welcome, loyal readers, to my evil mind. Well, only half evil. If this story jumps around a bit, don't be surprised. Like I said in the last chapter, this is going to be a fast paced story. Well...on with the story. And just for you information, I had to type the word 'story' about fifteen times. Each time I wrote it. Sad, right?

* * *

Alex knocked on Mr. Bray's office door, waiting to be invited in. Ms. Bedfordshire wasn't at work, so there wasn't really anyone to alert Mr. Bray of Alex's presence. He heard a muffled 'Come in!' coming from the other side of the door. He walked in.

Mr. Bray was sitting in his chair behind his desk looking as serious as ever. "Good morning, Alex," he greeted Alex with a smile, though Alex could tell it was forced.

He said nothing in return.

Mr. Bray noted that there was nothing he could do to make this visit with Alex pleasant, so he turned off the small talk. "I saw you..."

"I know," Alex said before Mr. Bray could finish.

"So you understand why I'm concerned," Mr. Bray assumed.

"I don't understand, but I'm guessing I have to listen anyway."

Mr. Bray was shocked that a student would talk to him that way, but Alex wasn't a normal student. He let it slide and continued. "I think you need therapy. Not only that, but I think you need to see a real doctor as well."

Alex smirked at the joke, but quickly dispersed of it when Mr. Bray started to look hopeful. The man sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"Can I go now?" Alex asked standing up slowly.

"No. Not until you cooperate with me." Alex sat back down, exhasperated.

Alex rolled his eyes and shot back, "I'm listening. What more do you want from me?"

"An attitude change! You've been snapping at everyone, including the teachers, and honestly, there needs to be a change," the head snapped, losing his kind attitude.

Alex shot back up, fists clenched tight. "You're right. There does need to be a change. So why don't you tell all the other students to stop treating me like a criminal, the teachers to stop treating me like an idiot, and while your at it, why don't you get me my life back!" Alex swung the door open and walked out the door.

But before he actually left the entire office he added, "And there is no way in hell I'm going to see a shrink!"

~.~

Over the next few weeks, Alex stopped his facade of being a sickly child and tried to ignore everyone that spoke to him. The only person who remained unscathed was Tom. Alex couldn't treat his best friend like everyone else. He was one of the few people who had ever tried to help him. Thinking of this reminded him of how he'd treated Ben. Though he couldn't really help it. The man was more on everybody else's side than his.

"Al? Are you okay?" Tom asked him one day at lunch. They were sitting under a tree by themselves, as everyone had suddenly started fearing Alex more than merely hating him.

Alex regarded his friend with unguarded eyes. For the first time, Tom noticed how haunted and troubled Alex really was. And for the first time, he realized that Alex's life was not some teenagers fantasy, not something to be desired. Alex had become tired, like a soldier who'd experienced every war known to man and wanted nothing more than death to take them away.

"No, I'm not. I just want to be left alone!" Tom knew Alex meant MI6, but he felt partly responsible as well. After all, he'd been the one who'd thought being a spy would be cool, all fun and games. He hadn't really realized how much of his friend it'd torn apart.

"It's not your fault, Tom," Alex told his friend.

"B-but I always told you how cool I though it was..." Tom cried.

Tears rolled freely down Alex's face. "No. You're the one who kept me sane. You're the only one who wanted to know every single detail. Jack loves me, I know this, but she never wanted to know how I'd survived the torture, the death, everything."

"But everytime you saw how excited I was..."

"I was happy that someone wanted to talk about me; about my life, pain, and nightmares. I'm grateful Tom. I really am grateful," Alex's voice cracked on the last word and he started crying hard, chest heaving and eyes shut tight, small whimpers that he failed to choke back.

Tom held onto his friend, his pain so strong that he was starting to feel it himself. At that moment he vowed that if anything happened to Alex after this, they would pay.

The wandering students noticed this and stopped to stare at the weeping boy. The majority of them started to feel pity filling their minds for the boy they'd treated so harshly. Even those who'd acted violently towards Alex started to think of what he'd done to deserve such treatement. But those who truly hated Alex openly laughed at him still, earning many glares from the surrounding students.

Even so, life didn't get any better for him.

* * *

A/N: I told you the chapters would be short.

Here are the songs:

Via Dolorosa - Abingdon Boys' School  
Let it Out - Miho Fukuhara  
Tired of You - The Exies  
Moments - Ayumi Hamasaki  
Our Truth - Lacuna Coil


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, only the original things. Everything else...no.

I have come to continue this story. I couldn't resist saying that. My friend, John, tried out for a play and one of the lines he had to say was 'I have come to take my bride'. It's the short play festival at my school and it's directed by students. John...is weird. Just by doing that one line he made the director of that play laugh so hard she cried.

Well, enough with all that info. I figured I'd tell you a tiny story before I got on with my own. Well, here's chapter three. I've gotten so many great reviews so fast. Like, the first day I posted this story. Music update: There will be one song that will basically be the main theme song for this story. It will be revealed at the very end of the story.

Warning!: There will be a tiny cutting scene here.

* * *

The rest of Alex's day went basically the same. After crying his eyes out on Tom's shoulder, people actually started treating Alex like a human. Though Alex knew they still thought he was some freak, but now they realized that he needed help. But the help they had in mind didn't bode well for Alex's mental state. There was no way in hell he was going to see a shrink!

"Hey, look everyone! It's the basket-case!" one boy yelled. Alex didn't know who he was, but his guess was that it was from Jason's gang. In other words, someone to be ignored.

A few people laughed at the remark, but they looked uneasy while doing so. And if you're wondering why, the glare he sent them all seemed to be a pretty good reason why. Since it was the end of the day, Alex didn't really see a reason to stay any longer than he had to. He just wanted to go home and hole up in his room like he did the night before. Only, with his luck, it wasn't going to be that easy. Just as he was walking through the front gates of the school, he saw one of the last groups he'd ever wanted to see again.

K-Unit.

Once they noticed that he saw them, they all tried to smile encouragingly - even Wolf. But Alex just sent them a glare that said 'stay-the-fuck-away-from-me-if-you-want-to-live.' Naturally, they ignored it.

"Hey, Cub!" Eagle nearly shouted at him. Now standing still in front of them, Alex ignored his enthusiasm.

"How are you?" Snake asked him, with what seemed to be a genuine smile. He, too, was ignored.

"It's been a while!" Ben stated calmly with a strained smile. He obviously noticed how bad the kid looked. Even he was ignored, but at least acknowledged by Alex softening his glare slightly.

Once they were silent, Alex decided that he'd had enough of the false cheer emanating from the group. But as he tried to pass, Wolf gently, but firmly, grasped Alex's upper arm.

"Hold it, Cub," he said softly, totally out of his character.

Alex didn't even turn to look at him. "Let go."

"No."

"Let go _now,_" Alex growled at him.

Ben stepped forward, "We're taking you with us, Alex."

Alex turned on the men shouted, "I don't need your damn help. Now leave. Me. Alone!" He managed to twist out of Wolf's grip on the last word, but was immediately caught by Eage.

"You need help, kid," Eagle said, his tone immediatley serious.

"Not from you, I don't. All I need is too be left alone!" Alex snapped.

"The sergeant wants to see you. So we're taking you to Wales for a couple of days," Ben tried to smile.

Alex's glare intensified when Ben told him the bad news. "I know why. You people are taking me to see a shrink. Well tough!_ There's no way in hell I'm going to see a damn shrink!_" Even Wolf's glare softened.

"Alex, you're making a scene," Wolf informed him.

"I don't care. Look. If you want to help, get MI6 to leave me the fuck alone. _They_ are the real problem!" Alex whispered furiously.

Ben put his hand on Alex's shoulder, "I'm already working on that. It takes time."

"Get in the car, Alex," Snake told him, gesturing to the blue car behind them.

Alex sighed in defeat, "I don't think I really have a choice." They all got in the car. As they drove off, Ben informed him that they'd already told Jack and all of the stuff he'd need was already in the trunk.

Alex felt betrayed that Jack would agree with them, but he really couldn't blame her. She was just worried about him and would do just about anything she needed to do if it would get Alex better. So thanks to MI6, he was stuck a car with K-Unit going to Brecon Beacons.

~.~

When they arrived at Brecon Beacons, Alex was met with more glares than he could count. He didn't care. He was lost in his own thoughts. They were ideas of how to get out of this mess of a life. They were all simple, yet creative. But one kept sticking out more than the others. He didn't really want to think about that one option, but if things didn't get better while he was here...

K Unit led Alex to the sergeant's cabin. They knocked and entered when they were given the order to do so. K Unit stood at attention, but Alex didn't. He wasn't part of the SAS, so they couldn't really make him. They all shot him nervous glances at this deliberate defiance, but did not correct him. They just hoped the sergeant would understand, and maybe they'd live through it all.

"Everyone except Cub and Fox leave. Now." At the order, Eagle, Wolf, and Snake left immediately.

"You wanted to see me?" Alex snapped, not wanting to be around this man longer than he had to be.

The sergeant glared at the boy, "I am your commanding officer. You will talk to me with respect!"

"Actually," Alex started, "you are not my commanding officer. I'm _fifteen._ Just be happy that I showed up!"

Ben winced.

"You will be seeing the SAS therapist. You will be seeing him for as long as he will have you. Dismissed!" The sergeant growled. Ben saluted him, but Alex had to resist flipping the man off.

When they were out of the cabin, Ben rounded on him, "Are you _nuts?_"

"Leave me alone," was all Alex said to him before turning away and walking over to where he remembered the lake to be.

When he reached the lake, he plopped down on the ground and put his hands into his pockets. He winced as he felt something prick his finger. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and watched as the blood ran down his finger. He grimaced. At least the blood got to leave. Then he got an idea. He pulled what had cut his finger out of his pocket. It was a ragged piece of gleaming glass. He didn't know what it was from, but he didn't really care.

He pulled up the sleeve of his long sleeved shirt and experimentally slid the sharp side of the glass across his forearm. He winced at the pain it caused, but realized that it was a better alternative to what he'd been thinking of recently. He did it again and again, watching the rivulets of blood flowing down and across his arm. By the time he stopped, tears were rolling down his face, from both pain and realization of what he was doing, and his arm was covered in his blood. He started feeling a bit light headed, so he figured he'd better stop while he was still conscious.

Then a thought struck him. How was he going to hide this from K Unit. Sure, he'd be able to hide it, but how would he explain the symptoms of blood loss to them? And Snake...Shit! He was already suspicious of Alex's health, but now he was sure to do a basic examination on him. Then, he heard voices.

No, not the crazy kind - though he heard those occasionally - but _real people_. And, unfortunately for him, he recognized the voices: Ben, Wolf, and the sergeant! He looked around. They weren't close yet. He looked down at his arm and thanked the heavens that the cuts were already clotting. He quickly scrambled over to the river and washed the blood off of him the best that he could. He noticed a few small smears of blood on his clothes, but he could easily blame that on wiping at the cut on his finger. He quickly pulled his sleeve down right as the three men appeared, walking quickly towards him.

"Cub." the seargant greeted him. Alex gave a small nod in response.

"Alex," Ben started excitedly, "they agreed! MI6 will leave you alone now!"

Alex was feeling more nauseous by the second. Was Ben really still that naive? MI6 didn't just leave people alone. "They were lying, Ben. They don't just leave people alone just like that," Alex told the man, repeating his own thoughts verbally.

"The shrink is here. Time to go, Cub," Wolf told him. Alex glared at the man, who was currently giving him pitying looks that Alex could really do without. He got up anyway. Oh, he'd go. He'd just keep his mouth shut around the shrink.

* * *

A/N: Phew! Done with this chapter. When I started this story, I was seriously depressed. Now, I'm not really depressed, but in order to complete this story, I have to make myself depressed again. Weird, right? Well, here's this chapter's songs.

Somebody Who Cares - Three Days Grace

Reclusion - Anberlin

Crying Rain - Girugamesh

Timeless ~Mobious River~ - T.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

See? I'm not ditching you all. But my computer is pissing me off to no end. Well, here's another music update. That one song that I think fits the whole story, it will actually be as many as I have. So you may end up lucky and get more songs than you may have thought. The playlist will be posted when I finish the story.

* * *

"So, how are you feeling?"

Silence.

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

Silence.

"Anything on your mind?"

Silence.

"Anything at all?"

Silence.

"Really! You've gotta give me something to work with here!"

Silence.

The therapist sighed. He wasn't getting anywhere with this kid. Who was he anyway? Well, whoever he was, he's pale, and quite obviously pissed off about something. And his arm...he's been clutching it the whole time. Hm....

"So...why are you clutching your arm like that?"

Alex tensed and shifted around. 'Ha! Jackpot!' the therapist thought.

"So are you going to tell me why there is a teenager here at an SAS training camp?" he asked. Alex only glared.

"Listen kid," he said, trying another approach, "I'm not here for fun. I've gotta figure out what's wrong with you or I'm in a lot of trouble! So why don't you help me out a bit. For starters, what's your name?"

Alex paused for a minute before smirking and saying, "Alex."

The therapist smiled. Now he was getting somewhere. "So, Alex. Why are you here?"

Alex's smirk grew as he said, "Aufgrund der MI6, meine ganze Familie ist tot, und sie scheinen zu denken, ich sollte davon unberuhrt." (Thanks to MI6, my whole family is dead and they seem to think I should be unaffected by it.)

The therapist blinked. Either the kid barely spoke English, or he was screwing with him. And he was betting that the choice was correct. He quickly scribbled down the words Alex said the best he could and continued.

"So why are you clutching your arm like that?"

Alex sighed, "Ich entschied mich, dass die Senkung war besser als Selbstmord zu begehen." (I decided that cutting myself was better than commiting suicide)

The therapist scribbled furiously on his paper he knew that Eagle spoke German - which was his guess on the language - and could possible tell him what Alex said.

"Well," the therapist smiled, "my hand hurts like hell, so I guess that's as much as I'm going to be able to...uh...hear from you. Until next time, Alex!"

Alex shrugged and stood up. He didn't bother shaking the hand that the therapist extended. He just walked out the door, leaving the man to his thoughts.

~.~

The camp therapist walked through the camp looking for Eagle. He had what Alex had said to him during his session written on the paper clutched in his hand. He'd been walking around for over an hour, but eventually, his long struggle paid off. He saw the burly man talking with Fox. He walked over to them.

"Eagle, I need your help on something," he told the soldier.

Eagle turned around and grinned at the exhausted man, "Sure. I'm guessing you've been looking for me for a while. So what's up?"

The therapist blinked. He sometimes forgot how friendly some of the soldiers were. "Well, I had the session with Alex, but it didn't go so good. For the first few questions he just sat there. He didn't say a thing. Then I used a different approach and asked him what his name was. He told me, but after that every response was in fast, fluent German!"

"German?" Ben asked for confirmation.

"So that's why you were looking for me," Eagle grinned. Well, how do you expect me to translate it?

The therapist took out the piece of paper and handed it to Eagle. "I didn't get the words perfect, but that's how the words generally sounded."

Eagle translated what he could of the writing, his grin disappearing more with every word he read. "Fox, we need to find Alex. Now!" he snapped, completely serious.

Ben followed his friend, running to catch up with him. "What...were....his....responses?" he asked between breaths.

Eagle frowned, "When he was asked why he was in therapy, he said that 'his whole family is dead and MI6 seems to think it shouldn't affect him.' When he was asked why he was clutching his _arm, _he said that 'he decided that cutting himself was a better alternative to suicide,'" Ben's eyes grew wide.

"Oh my God!" Ben gasped.

Eagle was panting for breath by now. "That's...why....we've got to....find him....And quick."

An hour later, they found him by the lake, laying on his back, his arms crossed under his head. His eyes were closed and they wondered whether he was just asleep, or worse...

"So you guys finally found me." Alex said, his eyes still closed.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Cub?" Eagle asked the teen.

Alex kept his eyes closed, but responded, "How do you know I was being serious? I could have been joking with the guy for all you know."

"You're not like that, Alex!" Ben snapped at him. It took all his self control to not start crying over what had become of the smart ass kid he'd met before.

Finally, Alex opened his eyes. "You don't know shit about me. Nobody does, now just leave me alone!" He shot up and tried to run away from the men, but Ben caught Alex in his embrace and held him there. Alex struggled for a bit, but eventually gave up, crying along with Ben. He could have sworn that he saw Eagle crying a bit as well.

"Don't do it, Alex," he heard Ben mutter.

Instead of agreeing, he muttered back, "Don't be surprised if I do."

* * *

A/N: Well, there's another chapter out of the way. The story is maybe half way done. Well, here's this chapter's songs:

Sins - Acid Black Cherry

Shinjitsu no Uta - Do As Infinity

Pieces - Red

Korabli - Yulia Savicheva

Pian Ai - Zhang Yun Jing

After-Note: I got the German stuff from the Google translater thing. It's highly conveniant. But the main point of the story is not the German part. Well, on to the next.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I no own this. I also don't own that horrible grammar. Wow. Where the hell did _that_ come from?

I've decided to cut this story short. There will be one more chapter after this. This chapter was rewritten because my laptop deleted the old one. And the old one made me cry. Seriously. Well, I hope you like this seriously depressing chapter.

* * *

Three weeks had passed since his therapy session at the SAS training camp. Alex was 'cured' and was living a fairly happy life. He laughed, he smiled, he made new friends, and best of all, that haunted look in his eyes finally started to fade. Tom seemed to be the happiest person on earth. His best friend was back and almost as happy as he was before his uncle died. It was almost like a miracle to everyone. People started warming up to Alex. Though, if one focused enough, they'd see the tension whenever someone would ask him to hang out with them during the weekends. Naturally, he agreed. He was finally being accepted.

He and Tom were walking home from school and the smaller boy was seriously hyper. "So...are you able to go to the movies with me, Robert, and Daniel tonight?" he asked cautiously.

Alex looked at his friend with a small, apologetic smile and replied, "Sorry, but I'm still catching up in school. I still have a few reports to do." Tom looked severely disappointed.

"I wish Jack was here to talk you into going out with us," he whined. Alex rolled his eyes. Jack was visiting her parents for the weekend in America. It was Friday, and she'd left that morning while Alex was in school. She'd said good bye before hand, off coarse.

Alex mock glared at his friend and said, "Well she's not, so deal with it."

There was a small silence before the two boys burst out in laughter. They reached Tom's house and said their good-byes. Tom missed the sad look his best friend sent him as he walked into the house.

Alex continued walking home by himself, surprised at how relaxed he felt. It was weird, really. MI6 hadn't bothered him in such a long time, but he wasn't complaining. On the contrary, he'd had more time to spend with his friends, Jack, and K Unit. He and K Unit had grown unusually close recently. Even Wolf enjoyed his company.

But the happiness didn't last long.

Alex heard his cell phone ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and frowned. The caller ID said MI6. _'What do they want?' _Alex thought.

He answered, "Hello?"

"Alex. We've got an extremely important mission for you." It was Mr. Blunt. Since the head of MI6 was calling Alex himself, Alex was right to assume that Mrs. Jones had no idea that this conversation was going on.

"No." Alex made sure that the word was said with as much force and authority as was possible for an ex-agent.

Blunt sighed. "I'm not taking no for an answer. You start tomorrow. You've also got a partner for this one, so be grateful." He hung up before Alex even had the chance to say one more word. He sighed. It was time for the act to come to an end.

As Alex approached his house, he noticed a car parked by the curb. And leaning on the car was none other than Ben Daniels. He saw Alex and gave a small wave, retreating away from his car a little.

"Hey, Alex!" Ben greeted him enthusiastically. Alex just grinned at his friend's happy attitude.

"What are you doing here?" Alex got straight to the point.

Ben glared at him. "What, am I no longer welcome here?"

Alex only laughed.

They walked inside and went into the kitchen. Ben sat down on one of the chairs and removed his gun from the holster and placed it in front of him on the table. This was a particularly bad habit that Ben couldn't get rid of. "How was school?" the older man asked.

"Boring. What else would it be?"

"Seeing as you're there, one will never know until it happens."

"You sound like an old man, Daniels. You know? I'm gonna start calling you 'Old Man Daniels'. It's kind of catchy," Alex smirked. Ben stood up and smacked Alex on the back of his head. Somehow, Alex managed to steer the man into the living room where they talked about random subjects that came to mind at random. When Ben was bored enough, his mind could create some very strange ideas. But while his mind was creative, it was also forgetful. He'd forgotten his gun on the table.

They were interrupted by a phone call. Ben flipped it open and said, "Agent Daniels." There were small silences and all Ben ever said was 'Yeah, okay', 'No', 'Now?' and 'Okay, I'll be there in a few." He hung up the phone.

"You've got to go now?" Alex guessed.

Ben gave him a sad smile and said, "Yeah. Apparently they've got a mission for me. They said something about a partner, but I'm not sure who it is yet. They said I'm to report to headquarters immediately."

Alex grimaced and walked Ben to the door. Just as they were saying their good-byes, realization hit Ben. "Damn! I forgot my gun!"

As he was about to go across the house to the kitchen to retrieve the fire arm, Alex said, "I'll get it. Be right back."

He didn't go straight to the kitchen. Instead, he went to a pot with a fern and reached around. After a moment he felt his target and pulled out the fake gun. It was identical to the one Ben owned. The man wouldn't know until it was too late. He continued to the table that was in the kitchen. Instead of picking up Ben's gun, Alex merely set the fake one down and picked it up again. The whole trip to the kitchen was just an act in case Ben came in after him. He walked back to the front door and gave Ben the fake gun. Ben didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, so he put it into the holster and said good-bye to Alex before going to his car.

Alex frowned as the older man drove out of sight. Well, there was no turning back now.

* * *

It was 10:30 PM. Alex ran out the door, sure to lock it to avoid any sort of suspicion. He ran quietly through the night. On the way to his destination he dropped a letter in to a box that held outgoing mail. The letter was addressed to Snake. There was no return address, so there was no way the man would know it was from Alex until he opened it. After dropping the envelope into the metal box, Alex continued on his way. His destination was the forest that was not too far from where he was at that moment. It would just take a little while to get to where he wanted to be.

11 o'clock PM. As Alex ran, he mentally apologized to everyone: Jack, Tom, K Unit, Ben, Miss Bedfordshire, Sabina, and all the friends he'd made recently. He also apologized to his parents, Ian, Ash, Yassen, and even Sarov. He apologized for getting in so deep with their dangerous world. He loved them all. They'd become a part of him in his horrible nightmare of a life. His parents: The people who protected him with all they had, and dying in the process; Ian: The one who prepared him for what was to undoubtedly come; Ash: For accepting him and treating him as an equal, even if he was a traitorous bastard; Yassen: For loving him unconditionally, not unlike his parents and Ian, and being the one person to fight to keep him alive; Sarov: For wanting him as a son, even though Alex had been nothing but trouble. All these people, alive and dead, had pushed him to do what he thought was right, even if it meant breaking a law or two.

11:30. Alex finally reached the forest just beyond the park. He stopped for maybe the fifth time to catch his breath before running into the woods. His destination was a lot farther in. Far enough in to where it would be difficult to find him, but close enough to where someone would know he was even there. It took twenty two minutes to reach this area.

11:52. As Alex dropped onto the ground, he pulled out the same piece of glass he'd discovered while at Brecon Beacons out of his pocket. That piece of glass and Ben's gun were the only things he'd bothered to bring with him. He sighed at what MI6 had forced him to do and started sliding the glass on his left wrist. The blood flowed and dripped off of his arm and fell to the ground. It hurt like hell, but he didn't really care. This was going to be the last bit of pain he ever felt. After a couple of minutes, his left forearm was covered in long and short cuts going in random directions. Blood still flowed from the wounds as he started on his right arm. He could barely feel his left arm, but he continued. Now the blood from his right arm joined that of the left, flowing onto the ground and is clothing. It was 11:57. He stopped slicing his wrist and arm when it looked similar to the left. He was severely light headed and dizzy, but he pushed the powerful sensations to the back of his mind.

11:58. Alex pulled the gun out of his pocket. He looked it over. He had a minute and a half until he had to use it. It was simple, black, and deadly. He was actually scared. He didn't really want to be in this position.

11:59:00. Alex sighed. Just fifty five more seconds.

11:59:30. He slowly placed the barrel of the gun to where it was resting on the right side of his head. He closed his eyes, the ground spinning before him due to blood loss. Silently, he started sobbing, tears flowing from his tightly closed eyes.

12:00:00. He pulled the trigger. A loud crack echoed as he slumped to the ground, blood flowing from the hole in his head and the slashes on his wrist. If his eyes had been open, they would have finally fit his current status.

It was finally over. Alex lay on the ground, seemingly asleep to anyone who didn't take a closer look. But unlike all of the other teenagers of the world, Alex Rider would never open his eyes to see the next morning.

~.~

They found his body three hours later. When the gun went off, a late-night runner heard and called it in. That was when the search started. For three hours, they searched all over the forest area, looking for the source of the disturbing noise. When they finally found Alex, they had no idea that he'd pulled the trigger until they got closer and saw all the blood. They called for an ambulance, but it was too late. He'd been dead for three hours.

~.~

At four o'clock in the morning, Ben walked through the doors of the morgue. The mortician led him over to a table that undoubtedly had a body under the pale blue sheets. Ben stood next to the table as the mortician did something related to his job, maybe getting a file? Ben had no idea why he was here to identify a body. MI6 had just called him up and told him to go to the morgue. It had been Mrs. Jones, and she'd been crying. As he noticed that the body under the sheet was fairly small, chills ran down his spine and throughout his body. _'Oh, God! No, don't let it be him...' _he thought desperately.

The mortician came back to the table, holding a file that Ben knew held a death certificate. He nodded to the mortician, who pulled back the sheet to reveal Ben's worst nightmare: Blond Hair, pale skin, and eyes that would be brown and lifeless if they were opened. Seeing Alex like that, Ben broke out into body shaking sobs. Seeing the grief, the mortician left Ben to be alone with Alex. Ben clutched the side of the table, holding himself up. His sobs were growing louder, his breath coming out in short pants. He couldn't bring himself to look at the boy he'd come to love as a younger brother. He didn't need to ask to mortician about how he died.

Ben cursed MI6. It was their damn fault this happened. Ben spared a glance for the young spy and soldier. His eyes lingered on the hole in his head before going to his shredded forearms. He felf nauseous, but he couldn't leave Alex. What hit him the most was that it had been his gun that he'd used to commit suicide. If only Ben hadn't left Alex's house early, maybe the boy would still be alive.

~.~

It was five o'clock in the morning when Ben got to Wolf's flat. He'd had him call up the rest of the unit to have them all meet up there. When he got there, he was met by his teammates' curious glances. The first thing they'd noticed was the tears streaking down Ben's face.

"I h-have bad news," he gasped out, trying to sound as calm as he could.

Snake who was seated next to him placed a hand on his shoulder. "What's up?"

"It's Cub..." before he could say more, he burst out in tears again. They all got the message at the same time. At the realization, they all cried along with Ben. Snake reached out into his pocket and pulled out an envelope.

"I got this a w-while ago. Well, r-right before I was called. It's from Cub. I d-don't know why he sent it to me," Snake stuttered through his sobs. Then he started explaining, "M-my friend saw this when he went to collect the mail. H-he noticed a-and brought it r-right over...I d-didn't even know it was from him until I o-opened it..."

He opened it and started reading, "Dear Snake...."

~.~

Tom was woken by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He looked at it and recognized Jack's cell phone number. He answered, "Jack?"

"T-Tom..." he shot up, noticing the horrible sobs coming from the woman.

"What's wrong?"

"Alex...he's...oh, God!" she sobbed harder as she struggled to spit out the words. She didn't have to. The realization hit Tom like a knife being driven into his stomach.

His scream could be heard across the neighborhood.

~.~

The funeral was a week later. Everyone who'd known Alex in anyway attended. The news of his death had hit harder than expected. Even the school bullies were devastated by his death. Not one person's eyes remained dry. Thankfully, it wasn't an open casket funeral, but his ebony coffin was right behind the priest in the cemetery. After the priest finished talking, Mrs. Jones went to the front of the crowd. She was openly crying.

She waited a moment before saying, "I think it's time that I told you the horrible truth about Alex Rider. One that I deeply regret being a cause of.

Jack, K Unit, Tom, and Smithers shifted uncomfortably.

"But first of all, there is one thing you must know. Alex saved many lives. So in all aspects of the word, he is a hero..."

* * *

A/N: You guys better be satisfied with this ending. I cried. Again. Yes, I know that the end was super cheesy. That's the best I could do while crying. I could have done a lot more, but I really didn't find it necessary. There will be one more chapter. It will be the mysterious letter that Alex sent to Snake. The main songs will also be revealed. Sorry for any unnoticed errors. I read it over again, but couldn't find anything else.

Spring Nicht - Tokio Hotel

Never Too Late - Three Days Grace

Colors - Crossfade

Everlasting - BoA

How You Remind Me of Someday - Nickelback

Fuyuu Yume (Russian) - Origa

Kowarete Iku Sekai - Girugamesh

Birdcage - Gackt

Hero - Nickelback


End file.
